How to stay awake at work.

I recently noticed that when trying to sleep at night I find myself with my eyes wide open and my mind whirring, whilst at work I find my lids weighing heavy on my eyes, and my brain feels like someones poured custard into it. It’s like being really drunk, except that it’s really boring.

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“YAAAWWWN… ah… what did I miss? Wait… what? We invaded who now???!!!”

I pull my chair in to pin my stomach to the table in an attempt to hold my body up and stop me from sliding down into the chair till my head is at a right angle to my torso. I try and stare really intensely at the screen, I shake my face around and try and joggle my mind into some action. But like a snow globe it all just settles again. Back to the mist and the murk. Back to the Custard.

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Like this, but with much less open eyes.

So, why is this happening? Is it just a natural fact of long days at a desk? Or am I doing something wrong? Well, if I am doing something wrong, it seems at least that I’m not the only one:


People, it seems, are even more annoyed with being tired than they with being fat and cold. We don’t have a obesity epidemic (well, we do, but thats not the point) NOR do we have a a problem with heating poverty (again, we do, but that’s not what I’m trying to say) we have a tiredness epidemic. Everyone is tired, all the time. So why? Why? WHY?  WHY? WHY?   



Like, why dude?

Well maybe it is because the modern world is so all bad and that and stuff so we are all always rushing around and have weird sleep patterns and that and its all rubbish man like wtf?


“Man that is like, such a good point, its like, why all the rush man? Slow it down yo. Yeah, what do you think about it leaf child sarah?’

“Like, no more socks, you know?’

Hmmmm, interesting points unfair and insulting caricatures of well meaning people, maybe you’re right. For many city dwellers time is at a constant premium and jobs involve a lot of sitting around. This is a bad combination, to have a proper cycle of feeling awake and tired at the right times you need to have regular exercise and it helps if that exercise takes place throughout the day. When your life revolves around your desk you don’t really stand much of a chance to have a healthy balanced day especially if, like me, you get bored and feed that boredom with a diet of the four C’s: Chocolate, cake, crisps and coffee.

Fun fact: It doesn’t help.

Other fun facts: Here is how, apparently, you can feel less tired.

1. Eat your Breakfast! Apparently if you eat breakfast everything is fine. But if you don’t you will die.

2. Eat every three to four hours. This keeps your energy and moral levels high. Recommended foods are fruit, crystal meth and razor blades.

3. Fill up on more fibre! Specifically, fibre glass.

4. Fuel your brain with omega-3. But not omega-1, omega-1 is the street name for crystal meth and razor blades. So actually, yes to omega-1, down with omega-3, apparently it just makes old people senile, racist and conservative.


“There you go honey…” … “Damn looney left lizards with all their Chinese supermarkets!” 

5. Stay hydrated! You are 98,000% water but if you don’t drink regularly that drops to -1,000,000% water and you will die and suck all moisture out of those around you causing them to die and everyone to die and the human race to end forever leaving the cockroaches to rule. And they’ll probably instigate practical and effective common sense policies that will make us all look like idiots.

6. Watch caffeine intake after noon. Drink caffeine any time after noon and your sleep will be ruined. Unless your italian, apparently if your Italian you can drink it real proper late and stilla geta to sleepa mama mia!


1. /ˈstɛrɪə(ʊ)tʌɪp,ˈstɪərɪə(ʊ)-/ Noun. A widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person or thing.

2. a relief printing plate cast in a mould made from composed type or an original plate.

7. Suit up in a “power” outfit. Much like Iron Man, storm troopers and politicians, if you put on a fancy suit you can do things you never would have dreamt you could do! Like fly! Or dodge bullets! Or condemn children to poverty and death through welfare policy!

8. Put on more make up! Come on ladies, don’t walk around with a sad tired face, even if that is how you feel on the inside, remember: who you are and how you feel on the inside has absolutely no bearing on your value as a person. As ‘WebMd’ say: “it helps to look in the mirror and see an energising image… (it) will give you a big mental boost every time you catch sight of your reflection (or receive a compliment) throughout the day.”


“Because I’m Happy, Happy. HAPPY, HAPPY!

From ‘Happy’ by Pharrell Williams, sub-title: ‘Lift Music for The Apocalypse of Man’

So there you go, now you can stay wide awake all day and productivity will be up 20% meaning you can better serve the master class to bring forth a fruitful harvest as the Gods demand. It is your responsibility to serve to repay your debt to those who hath given you the world. All praise the masters.

All praise the masters.

How To Become A Swimming Instructor

Just like any other professional career, becoming a swimming instructor requires commitment, passion and adequate training. Pursuing this career path would mean that you get to use your skills and talents to do something that you love, help other people and still make a living out of it. Getting a job would not be difficult as the local pools are always looking for new staff to help around. If you also wish to go private, there are also other avenues for you to become successful in what you do.

How To Get Started

The first thing, of course, is having the enthusiasm and interest in swimming. It is important that you carry out your own research by visiting the local swimming pools and get a clear picture of what the job is exactly about. You can talk to swimming instructors that you meet as well as the teaching and coaching staff who have experience in the field and they might give you some valuable information.

What To Specialise In?

Many people who wish to become swimming instructors are not sure whether they should specialise in teaching or coaching. Although most people involved practice both as coach and teacher, there is a significant difference between the two as stipulated by the qualification structure. Both fields have great similarities as well and one person can still comfortably serve the purpose of both professionals.



To begin with, you will first complete a level 1 qualification and later complete the other 3 advanced levels. There are four disciplines that you can progress in; swimming, water polo, synchronized swimming and diving. The minimum qualification is the first level certificate which trains you how to and what to coach or teach. You must be 16+ years for you to take the course and become a professional swimming instructor.

The technical content of the course varies depending on which one you choose but, they are similar in terms of the overall structure. Each course is divided into two main parts; theory and practical. The practical aspect analyses your ability to successfully teach or coach a group of students while the theory part trains you to track the progress of your students and to come up with an effective training program. The training is not that costly as there are grants and bursaries available depending on your training institute.

To start, you can work at a swimming club or as an assistant coach or teacher as you gain knowledge and experience about the job. Your payment depends on your employer and negotiations during your interview as there are no specific rates as such.

Source: Alex Cowes, Swimming Instructor and Sales Rep. at Paramount Pools : Swimming Pool Safety Covers

How To Tune Your 356

The Porsche 356 is probably a vintage car collector’s most prized possession. First built more than half a century ago their very few of them remain. Those that still own one know how much it can fetch in a classical car auction especially if the engine is still running. Due to this fact alone it is important to keep it in a good shape. You can start doing this by first tuning it.

What is Tuning?

Most people with little interest on cars probably do not know what engine tuning is. Engine tuning basically involves adjustment or modification of the internal combustion engine or the engine control unit. The aim of tuning is to increase performance of the engine, reduce fuel consumption and also to ensure it remains in a good functioning state for a long period of time.

What does tuning involve?

Tuning can involve any of the following:

Routine adjustment of the carburetor. This is meant to check on air-fuel mixture and the carburetor’s idle speed.
Complete overhaul of the entire engine system which involves removing the entire engine, tearing it apart and then cleaning and repairing all the individual components.
Tuning of the ignition system to bring it to a more modern performance. This involves what is known as ignition timing.
You can choose to tune your Porsche 356 in all the above ways or do only one of them depending on the condition of your car. For example it might be in great shape only requiring ignition tuning.

What do you need to do Ignition tuning?


To do ignition tuning you will require all or some of the following parts.

Distributor O-ring.
Plug Wires.
Distributor cap.
Spark Plugs.
A rotor and condenser.
Before buying this, consult a UK Porsche parts expert, like Tech 9,  to tell you which ones go well with the car. You can still get original ones from collectors but they tend to charge you a higher price. However, if you want to keep the car as original as possible the price should not concern you much. Tuning a vintage car such as the 356 requires experts in dansk Porsche parts, so make sure you get a consultation before starting any work.

How do I do the tuning?

Porsche 356 tuning is basically the same as you would do for any other car but you can follow the following easy steps.

Remove and check the condition of your spark plugs before replacing them so as to know more about your engine.
Second step is removing and replacing the distributor but make show you refit the nut well and its washer. Many people tend to forget the washer.
Fit in the rotor and make sure it’s the right one by comparing it to the old one.
Lastly you can now use the Timing kit to do static and dynamic timing.

Porsche 356: A Short History

The Porsche 356 was first created in 1939 for a race from Berlin to Rome, which was later cancelled. There is still some debate, but the 356 is generally considered by Porsche to be it’s first production model.

The 356 was the brain-child of Ferry Porsche, son of Dr. Ferdinand Porche who founded the German company. Initially it was a four cylinder, air cooled, rear engine car with a completely new chassis design. However, certain mechanical components and were based on and initially sourced from Volkswagen.

The first 356 to be certified was in Austria on June 8, 1948 and it won its class at a race in Innsbruck shortly after. Porsche then began to re-engineer and redesign the 356 with performance in mind, which subsequently saw the birth of the “Carrera”.

Pre-1950, the bodies were made of aluminium but Porsche decided to change this and produce them using steel. In 1963, they eventually bought the company that produced the steel bodies.

By the early 1950s, the 356 began to gain favour with enthusiasts both sides of the Atlantic, owing much the the 1951 Le Mans victory.

During the late 50s – early 60s, the 356 was widely used as both a racing car and a street car, this led to orders of over 10,000 in 1964 and a grand total of 75,000 units produced when production was ceased in 1965.

That was a very brief history of the 356. If I had the capacity I could rant for pages and pages about the 356.

Use Of Ice Sculptures As Party Centerpieces

vodka ice Luge is an ice sculpture that is carved into various shapes with a drill or slope from the top and exits at the side of the sculpture. Shots of vodka or any other spirit is then poured into the drill and fetched by a glass or mouth at the exit point. As it turns out, the vodka Luge is becoming a must have accessory at any party as it is the best way for you and your friends to have fun at any event. You can choose your own unique centerpiece as they come in various styles and shapes to meet all your requirements.

Ice Luges stand out at any party (like this one!!) and they are usually the center of attraction as their uniqueness and sophisticated look are hard to miss the eye. No matter what event you are hosting; be it a birthday party, wedding reception, staff party or you and your friends are having a random party, the vodka Luge can be designed to fit any party theme. You can even go ahead and get your name, logo or any message engraved into the sculpture to add a personal touch to the whole event. This is probably the highest level of creativity you can demonstrate as you try to host a party that no one will forget.


All types of ice Luges are designed in such way that they will last for hours and remain in good condition throughout the party. If you are holding your event during the day when it is hot, the sculpture can last for up to six hours or more depending on the conditions. If you have your sculpture set up in the evening, you will definitely still have it there in good condition the next morning. This means you can relax and have fun without worrying about the ice, its condition and functionality.

When you place your order, the sculpture will be delivered to you at the time you specify and it will be set up in a few minutes. At a very low cost, you can get your custom made ice Luge and at a reasonable price you will have the party of your life. The vodka Luge is a great way to have everyone involved in a party by playing fun games. It can be boys versus girls, friends versus family, club versus club or any other combination you see fit depending on what kind of party you are having.

The Increasing Use Of Biomass Wood Pellets

From the Blog Archive, this article was written by one of our conservation students:

For years now, companies are used to disposing of their wood waste, but this is not happening anymore. With the ever rising cost of fuel, the use of biomass wood pellets is proving to be a cost effective, energy efficient and energy saving option. In the industrial sector, reducing the cost of energy and disposal costs goes a long way in bringing high returns on investment both in the long run and in the short run for businesses. By reducing these expenses, companies can channel the money in expanding their business through diversification and other profitable ventures and activities. Biomass wood pellets also provide the incentive of renewable heat which is both cost effective and environmental friendly.The biomass derived from wood pellets can be used for transport bio-fuels, to produce electricity and for all heating purposes.


Similarly, most buildings and homeowners have discovered that the use of fossil fuels like propane and oil is an expensive affair. Apart from being expensive, these fuels are also prone to fluctuations in terms of pricing and are a danger to the global climate and health of communities. Wood pellets, however, are a safe and reliable type of biomass just like any other biological materials that are used as fuel. The good thing is that wood chips and sawdust are available locally everywhere, thus you don’t have to worry about running out of raw materials. The pellets are easy to use and store compared to any other fuels since they are compressed and condensed to use up very little space. The heating technology used is also very easy to use as it needs little maintenance and operations requirements. The systems can easily be installed in any building and it will save you a lot of money with time to prove its environmental and economic benefits.

The increasing use of biomass wood pellets as a reliable and cheap means of heating and a source of electricity cannot be ignored. It has proved to be the best alternative source of energy both at the consumer level and at an industrial level. The push to make the world go green has contributed greatly to the use of wood pellets as they offer a renewable and clean source of fuel. Due to its availability and affordability, you will notice that wood pellets are being used in federal buildings, housing complexes, office buildings, educational facilities and other big businesses. This goes to show that its benefits are proven and are here to stay for the long term.

The Benefits of a HVAC Vocational Course

One of our most popular courses is the HVAC vocational course. Here are just a few reasons why:

As tuition fees at universities have shot up in the last few years, more and more people have begun looking toward vocational courses to further their education and secure a comfortable job. With practical training and guidance, all ages of people who want to improve themselves and their career prospects can succeed. HVAC is just one option and includes Heating, Ventilation and Air Conditioning.


In order to begin a career in HVAC, enrolment in a vocational school isn’t just important but legally necessary – licenses are required to operate on most electrical equipment. Depending on how you want your career to progress, you can choose from a number of different routes leading to certifications and degrees, but with a HVAC education you have the choice of later going into heating ventilation, air conditioning or heating and refrigeration.

We have regular guest speakers such as the highly experienced mechanics at Beatson Fans & Motors.

Heating and Refrigeration

This is the overall type of training which can lead to many different career paths, and qualifications can be anything from certificate programs to bachelor level degrees which can take up to four years of studying. The amount of extra work to dowill also depend on your long-term goal or the school itself.


There are certain areas of specialised study within this type, including learning about ventilation, refrigeration, heating and electronics as well as the more legal side such as building codes and air standards. It’s possible to go on from this to build a career performing installation or maintenance of refrigeration and heating systems, which can lead to jobs with plumbing companies, air conditioning repair shops, and heating contractors, among others.


Air Conditioning, Heating and Ventilation

Again, the quickest way into this kind of career is through a vocation or trade school, and usually including getting an associate or a bachelor’s degree, taking up two to four years. The coursework includes such subjects as electronics, blueprint analysis, installation and maintenance, and associated theories.


All of these subjects can feed into vocations such as air conditioning installation, repair and maintenance, industrial extractor fans repair as well as plumbing, electricals, duct installers and HVAC technicians. They will also cover at least the minimum of what you need to know about health and safety while on the job.


Vocational courses in practical subjects are a really smart way to go – people will always need someone to fix their air conditioner, or replace their ventilation system, so unlike some traditional highly-skilled jobs you are unlikely to ever be out of work. Plumbers and electricians also make a lot of money for their skills, and the market always needs more to keep up with demand, so often you can pick your own working hours and charge whatever you want (while being competitive, of course).


When you come out of a vocational course you won’t just have a highly skilled profession to go into but also no huge student loans weighing you down throughout your life, or lack of experience holding you back from the jobs you want to do.


How to Get Back Into Education As An Adult

Whether you want to study towards a specific certificate or qualification to progress in your career, or simply want to learn an interesting subject for your own enjoyment, it can be difficult to get back into education as an adult. Your years of school are behind you and you’ve probably forgotten what it feels like to sit down and concentrate on material for long periods of time, and submit assignments to be marked before a deadline. So how can you go about re-familiarizing yourself with education and getting back into the swing of it?

1) Don’t despair
It might seem like a long shot to get back into education as an adult, but in reality, although you’re not used to formal study any more, you’ve developed lots of skills in your adult life that will help. If you have a job, are a parent or even both, you already have excellent time management abilities and know how to juggle professional and personal commitments, even when it’s sometimes challenging. Think about the way you manage your life already and how you might apply this to education. What times of day do you have most free time? What tasks or chores could be pushed back to allow you to slot in some study time? This all depends on your method of study; if you’re attending classroom based lessons, then you’ll have to follow this timetable, but if you’re self-studying at home on a flexible program, you’ll need to consider when you’ll dedicate time to it.


2) Network and make friends with other adult learners
If you’re attending classes then this is easy – being in the same environment with others in the same position will help you, as they’re probably all just as anxious as you! Engage fully in class discussions and listen to each others’ opinions to help develop your understanding of the subject. If you’re using an online or distance learning platform, they often have forums where you can communicate with people on the same course which can be reassuring and motivating if you’re struggling. Alternatively, there may be informal Facebook groups for people studying the same course, so join these and get chatting.

3) Consider all the opportunities available
If you’re not sure yet of the best way to get back into education, take a look at some of the wide range of free courses available online. The MOOCs industry has boomed in recent years (Massive Open Online Courses). Have a look at websites like Coursera, FutureLearn and ALISON to see what’s on offer. These can usually be worked through at your own pace which can be less intimidating to people returning to education after a long time. It also offers a good taster of a subject so you can decide if you really do enjoy it and whether you want to pursue a more formal, in-depth course elsewhere. Many universities and colleges also offer online courses these days, some of which may even be credit-bearing towards a qualification. Have a browse, download a prospectus and see what inspires you.

Above all, don’t be disheartened. More and more people are getting back into education as adults, and you should never stop learning. Good luck with your chosen path!